We are used to having a certain amount of daylight ahead of us every time we wake up. Likewise we are used to going to work, complaining about the weather, judging our friends, partners and family members, going out on Friday’s and having sex on Sunday mornings. We cling to what we are used to, even if we don’t appreciate it that much. We get caught up in routines that shape our world. Things are a certain way because we experience them a certain way. There seems to be no escape.
So what to do? With Christmas coming up this question becomes quite relevant for many people. Because if there is one event that we have loaded with high expectations it is Christmas. And the more expectations we have, the larger the chance of disappointment gets. What I see as important is to start with being honest with myself and to realize that I really need everything that is promised to me culturally by Christmas. I really truly deeply need harmony, love, togetherness, joy and all that stuff. Next step is to realize that I am not the only one who needs that. You will not believe this but I only learned two days ago the we all just want to be loved as we are, including myself.
And now it becomes interesting and fresh. Because when we see that it is ok to love ourselves just as we are, and to accept our sadness, struggles, needs and even expectations and when we see that everyone at the dinner table is actually quite the same, a sense of beauty, integrity and tenderness arises. We are all imperfect people trying to make the most of our lives within our perceived limitations. And during Chistmas we try to celebrate togetherness and connectedness. It is impossible to live up against all the expectations we created around the event. It is ok to drop those. What is left is a room full of human beings who all deserve your love and attention. Not because they are all perfect people but because they are just like you.
It is hard to see the world with fresh eyes every time. But we can. Maybe this Christmas is a good time to remember that we should not take things for granted, at least for me. Because when I look outside now I see a full moon. In the middle of the day, in the middle of the night. In the middle of the sky.
Merry Christmas everybody!
Edit: There is free WiFi on Singapore Airport and our flight to Bali is delayed. So I have time and opportunity to post this. Technology and new media rock!
Edit2: For reasons of honesty and balance I have to admit that it is no coincidence that I myself are on an airplane to Asia right before Christmas. I’m avoiding the embarrassment I feel towards my family around my relationship situation. But I wish to say I love you all and I wish you a beautiful gathering. I especially want to say sorry to my dear cousin Shira whom I disappointed by not attending. And I want to say “I’m proud of you” to my cousins Elies because she is facing her new life challenges so maturely and Marlies because she is leaving for Tanzania.