Letting go of being right

When we start looking more deeply at ourselves sooner or later we realize that our identity is merely a fabrication, we believe and proclaim things about ourselves that are just not true. We find out that the ‘truth’ we hold about ourselves is quite superficial and one-dimensional. What is so intriguing about this phenomenon is that the far majority of the people live in this deluded state the far majority of the time. We call this state ‘reality’. Just try to fathom for a second what this means because the implications are far fetching. It means that you are not the person you believe to be. What you believe to be might be true, chances are huge that this is not the whole truth. The good news is that you are more than you think you are. The bad news is that you are also everything you have been trying so hard not to be.

That explains immediately why the path towards self-realization is so tricky and still – relatively speaking – hardly traveled: we all like to grow, expand and improve but we are not easily tempted to sign up for embarrasment, devastation and despair. Since the one doesn’t come without the other most of us prefer to take the blue pill, so to speak and don’t truly start our journey at all.

So it is actually pretty simple: either you choose to go the path towards self realization unconditionally or you choose the path of the coward. Pretty bald statement, I know, but I like the wrenching it causes. I also like the clarity the choice gives: do you want to hide behind your ideas, judgments, beliefs  and opinions for the rest of your life or do you want to go beyond?

If you like to go beyond I can recommend you to do two things. First: asume that you are (utterly and completely) deluded. Second: make it into a sport to catch yourself when your ignorance comes out (i.e. everything you believe to be right).

Obviously, this game is very hard for people who believe that they are right, that their perspective is the one and only right perspective. I know, because I was one of them for about 30 years. When I look back I find it hilarious how much energy I wasted on trying to convince people of the rightness of my perspective. I must have really cherished the illusion that if I convinced hard enough one day everybody on the planet would see and agree that I was right (and would feel the relief of having finally found the right perspective). This was my idea of heaven.

When we allow ourselves to let go of our idea of being right then we can also let go of our need to give advice to others. The only thing we have to do is to share our own perspective. So we share what we see, feel, hear, experience. Because each perspective is unique and because we create space when we open up sharing our perspectives with others is a gift.  That’s great news for the Narcissists among us  (and good practice for the others) because we get to use the word ‘I’ a lot. By advicing others what to do we limit their options and therefore their space. But voice your advice anyway and then take it to your own heart. When you think you are giving the other positive advice (be more open, serve others) it is in fact your Buddha nature is speaking to you. When you give negative advice (just don’t think about it, don’t let your guards down) you reveal your own fears and denials. These rules work very well for me.

Beware! Letting go of being right does not mean embracing the idea that your current perspective is totally wrong! That’s just swapping one fixed idea for the other. You are already whole and complete, remember? Don’t be too occupied with being right but allow yourself to experience what is true for you in any given moment. Ask yourself: ‘What am I feeling right now?’. This truth is always in flux and always layered. That’s why in a post like Self Therapy I write down everything what I feel as it comes up. By writing down what I feel I acknowledge the feeling and thus make space for the next, going a bit deeper all the time. So when you feel blocked or stuck just dive into the experience instead of trying to figure out an explanation with your Thinking Mind or lay an opinion or judgement on how you are feeling. Every time you experience a knot it’s an invitation to take care off it, to give yourself love and attention. A knot does not manifest in order to tell you where to cut yourself but to point out the place where your love should go. There is nothing wrong with facing and embracing the place that hurts.


  1. Justyna says

    That’s so right!! ha ha. I think it’s very hard for us ( or at least, it is for me) to embrace what hurts us… It’s a very demanding world we live in and we are used to putting pressure on ourselves. We learn it from our early years at school. There is so much we have to achieve. There is so much criticism around and fear that we are no good. So then, when challenging situation arises I just don’t know how to be loving and compassionate towards myself… no one ever showed me how to do it! I’m learning it now. And I can tell you, it is the biggest gift I have ever given myself and others!. Because together with learning it, comes the experience. And together with the experience comes understanding. Understanding that it is not really me but the whole spectrum of conditioning I’ve been subjected to. I can see my fear and shame and anger… and finally I am able to let them be. They are parts of me that served me well all these years and I honor them. It’s not an easy thing to do because our conditioning says to us that we cannot be afraid, that it will kill us. So we keep being afraid, feeling guilty and shameful, being angry at ourselves that we cannot change it. So there, we can change it by letting it be 🙂 What an irony! Bit by bit I allowed myself tho feel what I felt… and I can say that it was my best achievement so far! much love J.

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