Row, row, row your boat

Leh, India.

What’s on my mind? I feel rested and ready for a new trip. Today I will go to Nubra Valley. The things we do are alternatives for the ‘real trekking’ because the mountain passes are not open yet. This is a bit of a bummer but also not because I don’t know what these treks are like so I don’t know what I am missing. I have let go of the idea that I can or must see everything two weeks after the start of my journey.

Yesterday I visited a monastery and an old royal palace. I both place there were huge statues of the future Buddha Maitreya. It was impressive. Also the locations of these buildings are pretty impressive: always on the most impossible top of some mountain. I don’t know why. Maybe because of strategical reasons, maybe because they didn’t want to make it too easy on themselves. But the places are certainly powerful and the views are overwhelming.

I have strange dreams. Supposedly it comes from the altitude, I am not the only one. I can remember them vaguely. In a way they were nightmares but strangely enough they didn’t really disturb me. There was a lot of death and dying going on. In one dream I remember I insisted to be the master of ceremonies at the funeral of a friend. In another dream there was a lynching by the public going on.

I don’t know much about dream explanation but I have heard that dreams are often about ourselves or about parts of ourselves. In that case the funeral of my friend was my own funeral and the public lynching was the lynching of me. In some way this makes sense. What I wish for myself is the death of the ego and what I am doing is consciously creating circumstances that increase the possibility of that happening. So I am directing my own funeral. By blogging I make my death into a public event: a lynching. It kind of makes sense and perhaps explains why the dreams don’t upset me. But it feels like I am guessing, I can’t say I feel like I nailed it. I will see how it unfolds.

There is something nice about being really at ease with uncertainty. From one perspective I am still the same dude with many thoughts, self-criticism, impatience and judgments, from another perspective I truly feel like a vessel, floating through the river of life.

Row, row, row your boat

Gently down the stream

Merrily, merrily, merrily

Life is just a dream

I have no clue how the day will unfold, I have no clue what is ahead of me, I don’t know what will happen after India, I don’t know. I don’t know anything and I have no control over life. The only thing I can do is gently row my boat and see where my boat will bring me.

I feel free.

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  1. says

    “What I wish for myself is the death of the ego and what I am doing is consciously creating circumstances that increase the possibility of that happening”. This one sentence explains everything about you Guru Atalwin!

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