Eps 70: Constricting Patterns

Gordian Knot

Two days ago I shared my experience of the Family Constellation Workshop I participated in. This method supposedly reveals hidden loyalties to family members from previous generations. This means that contemporary people can be carrying guilt, shame, remorse or other symptoms of unresolved trauma of their ancestors. I wanted to join the workshop because for many years I have seen my initiatives crumble when common sense would predict they would move to the next stage of their development. I used to attribute this discouraging phenomenon to all kinds of things; from bad luck and laziness to economic crisis, poor salesmanship, lack of talent or a combination of all the above. I have also seen it as the Universe testing my courage, perseverance and resilience. In some way it is still very much a mystery to me but the Family Constellation theory did offer an explanation and it also claims to be able to solve these patterns. So it was worth a try.


During last summer I received some help from a practitioner who looked at my family system and the things that were going on, according to him. At one point he said: well, no wonder you are not making money. You are completely disconnected from abundance. And it doesn’t only go for money; it also goes for relationships.


I never would have thought that these two things would be or could be related. But indeed, also in the relationship realm I have many examples of things mysteriously falling apart. And I am not talking about cases where there is zero mutual attraction or where it is just me fancying somebody who is just not that into me. I am talking about cases where everything suggests that there will be a next time because fun, laughter, romance, orgasms and intelligent conversation. And then the communication at one point just stops without an explanation. This has happened so often that is has become normal to me.


Ironically, exactly this pattern played out with the person who established the diagnosis ‘disconnected from abundance’ and offered to help me with it. At first we had regular meetings and then they just stopped. It didn’t come as a surprise; it unfolded exactly as always. But it was disappointing that the one who claims to be able to help you break through the pattern seemingly becomes someone who confirms the pattern.


Anyway, whatever the reason is that these things keep happening I still want to keep moving forward. My deepest wish is that the 100 Day Warrior grows into something that creates its own momentum. I am willing to drop other wishes like a relationship or having a family. I will also stop hoping for my fortune to change. It is what it is, I will deal with it as it comes and I love what I do regardless. But as I write these words I also feel my chest constrict from fear of jinxing the outcome. What if I invite stagnation by saying this out loud? And if I share this, will it jinx the jinx?


Today I had a really inspiring conversation with one of the warriors. My goal with the 100 Day Warrior was to unite very talented people on a deep level and today I saw some evidence that it is actually happening. To appreciate each other is one thing, to see that when we unite our talents and surrender to whatever the world needs from us we quite likely will be able to make it happen is another. Today I saw the first signs of the latter. This makes me feel incredibly happy and excited and I immediately see endless possibilities. But given the pattern that described above I also feel some disbelief, fear of jinxing it, fear of feeling betrayed anytime in the near future. I have no idea how to prevent the pattern from playing out.


My answer to myself is that it doesn’t really matter. It would be amazing if the Family Constellation workshop of 2 days ago has healed something in my family system in such a profound way that it is noticeable in my daily life. Who knows, perhaps the mysterious headwind shifts into mysterious tailwind. But either way, my only option is to follow my path one step at a time. If a beautiful woman shows up on my path, that’s ok, if it doesn’t, that’s ok too. If the 100 Day Warrior creates some alchemy that I can contribute to, that would be beautiful and I will do my best and if it takes another course, I will surrender to that. Either way, I am looking forward to meeting the warriors tomorrow morning.


 The warrior’s awareness is not based on the training of ultimate paranoia. It is based on the training of ultimate solidity—trusting in basic goodness. That does not mean that you have to be heavy or boring, but simply that you have a sense of being solidly rooted or established. You have trust and you have constant joyfulness; therefore you can’t be startled. Sudden excitement or exaggerated reactions to situations need not occur at this level. You belong to the world of warriors. When little things happen—good or bad, right or wrong—you don’t exaggerate them. You constantly come back to your saddle and your posture. The warrior is never amazed. If somebody comes up to you and says, “I’m going to kill you right now,” or “I have a present of a million dollars for you,” you are not amazed. You simply assume your seat in the saddle.

Excerpt from: Shambala – The Sacred Path Of The Warrior by Chögyam Trungpa


This is episode 70 in a series of 100 blog posts that will be published daily during the 100 Day Warrior, a unique program around physical strength, inner wisdom and meaning. All posts are written by Atalwin Pilon, founder of Basic Goodness and creator of the 100 Day Warrior. For requests for motivational speaking, in-company workshops, online coaching and mindfulness training click here. If you would like to join our international community of brave and inspiring human beings or just follow this blog and receive updates, please click here or sign up on the right side of the page. Atalwin specializes in coaching smart and creative people, both groups and individuals. If you are interested in a free coaching session click here.

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