Different but same same

Sun set as seen from Byron's backyard

I am sitting at the table of Byron ‘Nappka’ Cabrera. He is resting upstairs, his wife is with their son to the veterinarian (the dog is sick). Tonight I will do an ayahuasca ceremony under the guidance of Byron. I am ambivalent about the ayahuasca but I am looking forward to do a ceremony with him.

3 years ago I visited Colombia for the first time with my buddy Bas. Somehow I got in touch with Byron, who was the assistant of the renowned shaman Kayujali. Kayajali was not in the country when we visited but Byron agreed to be our guide and take us to other shamans. Good thing was that his English was pretty good.

When we met he was quite shy, a very modest and humble young man. 3 years later he has matured. We both have. It is interesting to experience. 2 men on a spiritual path, practicing in different traditions, raised in different countries and cultures and with a very different nature but very much on the same page. I dare to say we completely agree on what we believe the essence is: to just be an honest guy.

Surrendering to the vine of the soul

ayahuasca

I get tired of being heart broken (what is still what I feel like these days). I don’t mean that metaphorically, I mean that literally. I costs me a lot of energy to feel pain, sadness and remorse over and over again. I often wonder if I’m exaggerating or that I’m abnormally sensitive or dramatic. Last week I spent another two full days struggling with facts that my ego finds painful or unacceptable. When I find myself in the middle of the storm it seems impossible to help myself. While my whole body aches, especially my heart (again: literally) the wise words I speak to myself don’t touch base at all. Then at some point, seemingly out of nowhere it flips and I feel space and love coming up.

What I am starting to learn that my experience of life when I’m in a state of surrender is radically different from when I’m in a state of resistance. Unfortunately for me it seems I cannot gently will myself into surrender, I only submit after serious battle. But what I find striking is that the experience I described in the previous paragraph was very similar to the experience I had in the ceremony.