Swinging The Bat With My Eyes Closed

First Peruvian sunset, Huanchaco

I am in Peru! Last night we crossed the border with Ecuador. It is amazing how different this country is. Although I only walked around for half an hour twice today, I had soup in Piriu and took the bus to Chiclayo where I had a sandwich before I jumped in the next bus to Trujillo in which I am now, the atmosphere, the climate and the surroundings are completely different. The food is better, it looks very deserty outside (Ecuador was very mountainy), traffic is louder and more impatient and it is hotter.

I feel quite fit and rested. I wonder how many hours I was effectively asleep. When I sleep in a bus or a plane I often have the feeling that I am never really asleep because of the physical discomfort. Trying to sleep semi-upright screws up the blood circulation; my hands and feet start to hurt after a while and not much that I can do about it.

Liberating the lost child

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What happens when you find back your long lost child? You decide you will never let it happen again. At least, that’s what I decided. From now on my son goes with me everywhere. I will never let him out of my sight, hold his hand tight. My son and me, we will start giving talks and workshops on how you can find back your lost one’s too. Because I feel that every mourning parent has the right to happiness, relief and completion.

Now what is the problem here? What I discovered today is that something involentary has snucked in, something not-so-free. Tagging my boy along to show him to the world as evidence that liberation is possible might not be the most compassionate thing to do. First I locked him away, now I drag him along. In a way my son is not free. Fear has entered the equation again. First I was afraid to find him and afraid to look in difficult place, now I am afraid to lose him. This is my problem, not his. I feel guilty and ashamed when I don’t bring him along.