Letter from a survivor

Ivar Benjamin Østebø

Dear Anders Behring Breivik,

A lot of the friends I met at Utoya are dead and you are the perpetrator. You are the man who, by coincidence, didn’t kill me. I was lucky.

You might think that you have won. You might think that you have ruined something for the Labour Party and for people around the world who stand for a multicultural society by killing my friends and fellow party members.

Know that you have failed.

You haven’t only made the world stand together, you have set our souls on fire and should know we’ve never stood together as we do now. You talk about yourself as a hero, a knight. You are no hero. But you have created heroes. On Utoya that warm day in July, you created some of the greatest heroes the world has seen, you unified people from all over the world. Black and white, man and woman, red and blue, Christians and Muslims.

The Holy War

Osho Zen Tarot - Laziness

Be careful what you wish for. The Universe (or the Lord) works in mysterious ways. Just be yourself and the Universe will give you feedback. All these things seem to apply to this moment.

It has been almost two weeks since I posted my article about ignorance and the Jewish victims of the Holocaust that were deported from my house. A two week break from posting is quite long for me. It just feels like I don’t have anything meaningful to say after speaking about such an intense topic. But I’m also aware that it’s just me turning something fulfilling into an obstacle.

Looking behind lack of inspiration (or: finding freedom of expression by not writing about the cute twins)

YouTube Preview Image

Whaaa!! I really want to write a post but I don’t feel inspired. I can’t make up my mind. Should it be something about the cute conversating baby twins? I realize I missed my chance there. Coincidently I was the 231st person to see the video on YouTube and it crossed my mind then to write about them. Now the video has over 6.7 million views and has been ‘analyzed’ by TV stations all over America. So that’s not original anymore and of course, being unoriginal is a big no-no for me. Click on the title of this post to read the whole story behind my not writing about the twin baby boys first. Then watch the video.

Finding freedom and forgiveness

Parabola by Alex Grey

An emotional release works on our system. I received proof of that today as I rode into town on my bicycle for a latte in my favorite Coffee Company store. The last two days I had been working on a huge self conceived writing exercise on the topic of my relationship. I did a lot of mourning about the loss of it. I had realized that I had been suffering from a deep fear of abandonment. Many tears had rolled down my face since Wednesday.

So I’m riding my bike, minding my own business when all of a sudden I start feeling an enormous amount of freedom. It felt like the sun came up in my belly and chest. I realize “it is ok to be abandoned”. It was as if somebody was saying the words gently in my ear. And for the first time I really understand. I start smiling and repeat to myself: “it is ok to be abandoned”. I am free! She is free too! She is free to love me and she is free to leave me. No strings attached. Literally. Hello? There are no strings attached! So don’t act like if there are. That’s delusion.

Self therapy

The Burden

Today I will use my blog just for myself. I will use it as private therapy. Today I am not offering something, and I’m not coming from some kind of beautiful heart space. I feel frustrated and I don’t know why. I’m quite afraid for what might come up, the last time I felt like this and started writing was in Bali at my brothers place. It led to a huge emotional breaktrough but I also spend the day sobbing. And I don’t have time to sob because I’m leading Peace Camp in an hour and a half. I just want to have the tension from my chest and can’t think of anything else than write about it.

Why not leaping into the blogosphere naked?

Leap of faith

When I write this post this blog is not online yet. I feel that I’m postponing, hesitating to take the leap. Why am I afraid? It’s the fear of being naked in front an invisible audience, an audience composed of strangers and/ or people that know me very well. But also the fear of being naked in front of no audience at all. How embarrassing to scrape your courage together, take off all your clothes, walk on stage and reveal yourself.. to find out nobody came to watch.

Masquerade

This is a beautiful video. It speaks for itself, really. Made by an art student as his graduation project. I find it a very reassuring feeling that a young guy uses his skills to attempt to deliver such a profound message. Click and watch and let me know what’s your feeling.