In the end life is already perfect as it is. We are spending time on this tiny blue marble, spinning around its axis, cycling around one of the billions and billions of stars. When we realize that everything happens in this very moment and that we have nothing else than the here and the now we can surrender and bathe in consciousness. But at least for me, this realization comes and goes. Sometimes I feel it clearly, sometimes I struggle. And seen from the bigger picture that is perfectly ok too.
An emotional release works on our system. I received proof of that today as I rode into town on my bicycle for a latte in my favorite Coffee Company store. The last two days I had been working on a huge self conceived writing exercise on the topic of my relationship. I did a lot of mourning about the loss of it. I had realized that I had been suffering from a deep fear of abandonment. Many tears had rolled down my face since Wednesday.
So I’m riding my bike, minding my own business when all of a sudden I start feeling an enormous amount of freedom. It felt like the sun came up in my belly and chest. I realize “it is ok to be abandoned”. It was as if somebody was saying the words gently in my ear. And for the first time I really understand. I start smiling and repeat to myself: “it is ok to be abandoned”. I am free! She is free too! She is free to love me and she is free to leave me. No strings attached. Literally. Hello? There are no strings attached! So don’t act like if there are. That’s delusion.