Note to self: don’t get caught up in your own story. Don’t exaggerate the importance of your doing, not even when it feels ‘right’. Actually, be very aware when you start feeling ‘right’. And don’t fall into the trap of comparing. Don’t think you are actually comparing your experience to the other’s experience, you are not. When you compare you are merely measuring your own judgment to your own experience. By rejecting what you consider futile, you are only projecting your arrogant and superior version of life on the other. Remember how crappy it felt at times when your own suffering was discarded for being futile (and remember how much this is now part of your story). Projecting your expectations is harmful, it is as if you create laws against being honest and truthful in your Universe. If your laws are obeyed you create ungenuineness, inside and outside of yourself. The pain you felt when you received the email is the pain you are still carrying inside. Don’t blame others for making you aware. Be thankful.
My friend starts his shopping with grim determination. He starts at the beginning and goes into literally every clothing store in the whole street. He finds nothing but crap. In his mind he is complaining about this stupid pretentious shopping street and the whole concept of consumerism, capitalism and fashion. His mood is getting darker and darker. He didn’t manage to find one single item he liked.
When he is at the end of the street he receives a phone call. Someone at his office brings him some very good news. While sitting at my kitchen table he proceeds: “I turned around and went back exactly the same route in reverse order. Only now I would find the coolest things. On exactly the same racks in exactly the same shops that I had visited 20 minutes ago I would now find little gems, reasonably priced even. 45 Minutes later I had 4 shopping bags full of awesome stuff and I was the happiest camper in Amsterdam”.
I am angry and I have an hour only. Let’s see if I can vent my anger with some speedblogging. What am I angry about? Today I met a young girl, around 20. We got into a conversation and I explained a little bit about what I do for a living. Helping people finding their path, executive coaching, life coaching, whatever you want to call it. Then she tells me that she is a lost case. She has been given up by her psychiatrist. (Pause here…). Now continue reading…
Day in day out we are protecting ourselves. We are protecting ourselves from disappointment, judgment, pain, fear, failure and embarrassment. Keeping on a distance all the feelings and experiences we don’t want is a busy job. Of course our desire for protection influences our behavior. We bend, duck, dive and hide, it’s all justified in our quest for safety. Since we are already busy protecting ourselves from all these negative influences we might as well start shielding ourselves from love, success, intimacy and harmony. Just thinking of the pain we will experience when these states of mind will leave us again is unbearable. Better not loved at all then loved and lost.
Whaaa!! I really want to write a post but I don’t feel inspired. I can’t make up my mind. Should it be something about the cute conversating baby twins? I realize I missed my chance there. Coincidently I was the 231st person to see the video on YouTube and it crossed my mind then to write about them. Now the video has over 6.7 million views and has been ‘analyzed’ by TV stations all over America. So that’s not original anymore and of course, being unoriginal is a big no-no for me. Click on the title of this post to read the whole story behind my not writing about the twin baby boys first. Then watch the video.
Today I will use my blog just for myself. I will use it as private therapy. Today I am not offering something, and I’m not coming from some kind of beautiful heart space. I feel frustrated and I don’t know why. I’m quite afraid for what might come up, the last time I felt like this and started writing was in Bali at my brothers place. It led to a huge emotional breaktrough but I also spend the day sobbing. And I don’t have time to sob because I’m leading Peace Camp in an hour and a half. I just want to have the tension from my chest and can’t think of anything else than write about it.