The fear of death

Every plunge in the unknown without a safety net confronts us consciously or unconsciously with our fear of death. When you are really honest with yourself you will almost always end up there. That’s why it is so hard to leave our comfort zone and that’s why we don’t like to be in a vulnerable position. I saw this for the first time in 2004, just after my awakening experience. I was still fighting for the relationship that was falling apart. My heart had opened, I had changed tremendously overnight and I could ‘see’ all my previous ignorance. In my eyes this was a very good reason to take me back but for my girlfriend at the time this change in behavior was suspect and creepy enough to threaten to call the police if I would ever talk to her again. I was devastated. I friend of mine told me to stop fighting. I told him I couldn’t. He asked me why. I told him that I had been fighting all my life. Then I said “when I stop “they” will beat me to death”. This was the underlying fear. This was the first time I saw that fear of death was under my behavior. All my behavior was fear driven and under all my fears was fear of death. I was not just fighting for my relationship; I was fighting for survival.
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