Finding freedom and forgiveness

Parabola by Alex Grey

An emotional release works on our system. I received proof of that today as I rode into town on my bicycle for a latte in my favorite Coffee Company store. The last two days I had been working on a huge self conceived writing exercise on the topic of my relationship. I did a lot of mourning about the loss of it. I had realized that I had been suffering from a deep fear of abandonment. Many tears had rolled down my face since Wednesday.

So I’m riding my bike, minding my own business when all of a sudden I start feeling an enormous amount of freedom. It felt like the sun came up in my belly and chest. I realize “it is ok to be abandoned”. It was as if somebody was saying the words gently in my ear. And for the first time I really understand. I start smiling and repeat to myself: “it is ok to be abandoned”. I am free! She is free too! She is free to love me and she is free to leave me. No strings attached. Literally. Hello? There are no strings attached! So don’t act like if there are. That’s delusion.

Don’t fight the sadness

Osho Zen Tarot - Sorrow

“If you don’t fight the sadness it will transform into tenderness”. I just wrote that on the Basic Goodness Facebook page. I let these one-liners come up out of my awareness. I will sit down, close my eyes and look into myself to see what is going on right now. I have to concentrate pretty hard, listen very, very closely to distill the words out of the feeling. But my Higher Self never disappoints me, I can’t remember I ever got an ‘answer’ that I judged unworthy for publishing. Often I’m surprised how deep and profound it sounds and sometimes I am pleased with the simplicity.

Am I fighting sadness? Yes. I must say I feel tormented. I have been walking away from some deep sadness for quite a few days and it’s becoming unbearable. I really truly seem unable to face the fact that my relationship has stranded.