I feel quiet and peaceful. I am happy with my new place: the Agama yoga school and around. I just like being in a practice environment: to be in a place where everybody is working on the deepening of his or her awareness. To start the day with 2 hours of meditation followed by fresh fruit and inspiring conversation, what more do I want? I am meeting nice people with clear eyes, beautiful smiles and an aura of peacefulness and calmness. I have met personal trainers, osteopaths, English teachers, chiropractors, software programmers and lawyers. Must of us work in the field of body, mind and/ or spirit or aspire to do so.
I have little time to write but I felt quite inspired so I should give it a try. Why do I have little time? I am in Thailand, on an island called Koh Phanghan. I chilled out at a quiet beach the first day, yesterday I arrived at the yoga school (I had my first classes today). I have a hut on the beach, there is white sand and turquoise water. And there are neighbors too. And my neighbor, who is also in the yoga school, persuaded me to with her to a Black Moon Party (in case you are not on the island during full moon). But since we are yogi’s and healthy and stuff, we are going at 05.00 in the morning. She says that all the wasted people will be gone home, it won’t be crowded, just terrific music and the sun rise. In my experience wasted people don’t even go home when you threaten with sticks and the later you go to a party, the more zombies you see but we will see.
Then I realized: it really is more about the journey than the destination. The fun and the excitement were in the finding of the way, driving on a fast scooter on the wrong side of the road (Thai drive left, like the British), feeling the freedom and a bit of adrenaline and experiencing the people. Just like taking the wrong route in the Himalayas was a great experience, even though I never reached the destination I had in mind. I feel the same way about my attempt to meet Khru Phra Ba: the experience had a different outcome then expected but everything until now has been a journey, from the moment I decided to visit him until now, in the bus to Bangkok from where I will fly to Koh Samui (and take a fast catamaran to Koh Pangan).
What I am finding is that leaving my comfort zone and going out, exploring the unknown broadens my horizons. There is always something new to discover. From going rock climbing to trying mysterious street food (I accidently chose something with chicken livers and kidneys and it actually tasted nice) to renting a scooter or visiting the temple of a remarkable monk: it all opens up new possibilities and annihilates preconceived ideas. And it is the losing of the preconceived ideas that bring the freedom.
How different do I feel from this morning. How does our interior experience change and flow from moment to moment. I felt so stuck, lonely and unaccepting of what was this morning and it has all dissolved. Things that were experienced as fears and obstacles this morning have now changed into answers and facts. What was a a big problem before was not a problem anymore a couple of hours later.
Sometimes I get tired of the ego in general and my own ego specifically. But sometimes it is funny too. And the joy comes often after I have blown something out of proportion first and having worked through it. Then I gain a new perspective and it looks and feels rather light, amusing and endearing.
Just before take off I had a moment of huge shame. I was chatting to a Dutch friend (through Whatsap) and told her about my intention to find the monk and abbot of the Golden Horse Temple Phra Khru Bah. Today I saw a map of Thailand painted on a wall and realized that the North of Thailand is quite a broad area. I have no clue if flying to Chiang Mai is actually the wisest thing to do. I wanted to buy a Lonely Planet today but didn’t find time so I’m winging it. She told me that the documentary “Buddha’s Lost Children” is made by a Dutch guy and that I could connect with him to ask how to find Phra Khru Bah. My heart sank as I realized that I did not think of that myself. I felt shame, anger, self-hatred and sadness. I felt so stupid.
But I am ok now. I feel quite peaceful. Recently I have received some sort of meditation practice that I should do when things like this happen.