A friend of mine, I am sitting at his table right now, is a journalist who is sometimes interviewed on tv. He told me that if you are on national television there will be people who hate you just because of how you talk of what you wear. It frightens me. I once stirred up some controversy when another website reposted my work (with my permission). They had hundreds of thousands of visitors and to the audience I was just an anonymous writer. The hate and verbal violence was amazing.
In the article I found an interesting piece of information regarding the changing perception of what PTSD is. It says: “For decades the model for understanding PTSD has been “fear conditioning”: quite literally the lasting psychological ramifications of mortal terror. But a term now gaining wider acceptance is “moral injury.” Writing something thoughtful about that would probably reach more people and possibly reach psychologically or spiritually wounded people who could really use some healing. I know I can do it. Do I take up that responsibility? Is it wrong if I write about something more mundane? Both topics are on my mind right now, they are both just as real. And then I am not mentioning the fact that I also found out that my posts about the gym and my body transformation get a lot of traffic.
I hope that one day my words are powerful enough to unite us. That we will overcome our fear of deficit together. At this moment I still feel alone often on this mission because you, anonymous reader, are invisible to me. When I’m speaking from my heart I am — in a way – aiming at your heart. But at the same time I’m shooting my arrows into the dark void of cyberspace. Often the only way I can tell you are here is by looking at the amount of visitors who read my posts. It would be nice if you speak up too, if you would join me on this search for truth and honesty.
Perhaps the most beautiful thing about the spiritual journey is the we can start with a brand new canvas every day. (Ooh, that sounds good! Wait a minute, the narcissist in me needs to put this on my Basic Goodness Facebook page. It is posted. Now it just a matter of monitoring how many ‘likes’ it will receive.)
It is amazing. I have been postponing this moment for weeks. For some reason I felt reluctant to write, fearing lack of inspiration. And the moment I sit down it feels like coming home.
What I feel now when I look at the picture is a beautiful illustration of how the mind works, or my mind at least. We tend to not really want to look at our stuff. We rather deny or avoid the confrontation with what we don’t want to see. Everything in our Universe is always in flux, always changing. On the one hand we know that, on the other we fear that. We want things to stay the same. That gives us a sense of security.
But we have no guarantees. Even our brick houses can collapse under the force of a hurricane. Disaster can strike any moment. Our sense of security can vanish in a second.
Be careful what you wish for. The Universe (or the Lord) works in mysterious ways. Just be yourself and the Universe will give you feedback. All these things seem to apply to this moment.
It has been almost two weeks since I posted my article about ignorance and the Jewish victims of the Holocaust that were deported from my house. A two week break from posting is quite long for me. It just feels like I don’t have anything meaningful to say after speaking about such an intense topic. But I’m also aware that it’s just me turning something fulfilling into an obstacle.
I have been blogging on this website for a little over four months now. For me writing is a way to practice openness and sincerity. I give voice to what is alive in me at the very moment of typing. That means I hardly ever know what I will write about when I sit down. I just observe what comes up and type it down. It is a practice of courage as well as I find it often scary to publish what goes on in my heart and soul. But by doing it anyway I make you, the reader, a witness of my inner journey and an accomplice on my spiritual path. I trust that this is a good thing but quite often I doubt that too.
Everybody can make any holiday into a healing journey. More so, we can make every day into a day of healing. By tuning in to our hearts, letting come up what wants to come up and then act accordingly we heal all our wounds. 26 days in Bali changed my life, so if just one billion of us start doing this today we can change the future of our planet in three months. I totally believe that. Think about it.
I feel blessed for the journey we made. By making this journey to Bali I realize again that life is a journey. It’s not just my journey. We are here together, all of us on this planet. And we are all making our own journey simultaneously with all the others. Let’s just reflect on the possibilities we have how to make this journey awesome for everybody.
An hour ago I started this blog without a clue about what to write about. I felt that nothing worthwhile had happened and I felt the pressure of the commitment to write anyway. So I just started by writing down what came up when I checked in. Now I feel grateful. By creating a moment of self reflection I remembered the importance of self remembrance. That’s why discipline is healing. We create a moment where we come back to ourselves. I just added value to my life and my trip. Nice.
When I write this post this blog is not online yet. I feel that I’m postponing, hesitating to take the leap. Why am I afraid? It’s the fear of being naked in front an invisible audience, an audience composed of strangers and/ or people that know me very well. But also the fear of being naked in front of no audience at all. How embarrassing to scrape your courage together, take off all your clothes, walk on stage and reveal yourself.. to find out nobody came to watch.