I had scheduled a Skype meeting with a friend who I met in Israel who works as a healer. I thought I needed healing. He advised me to let her know how I feel. Now this was an obvious one. The underlying advice was actually quite a good one: he told me that every time he mixed the roles of teacher and boyfriend he landed on his ass. He had learned that the best way to prevent that was to just express his feelings. Nothing more, nothing less.
It is good to hear that out of somebody else’s mouth now and then. I did what he told me to do and I wrote an email. It was a rather emotional expedition. But I blurted everything out and I feel I was very honest. It is very difficult to open up to all the fears and desires when I feel that more rejection is an option but it did make me feel better. I didn’t want to email at first because I wanted to respect her but I realized that not telling her directly how I feel but writing about it here was kind of indirect. Also not writing her ‘out of respect’ is assuming I know what is best but actually just a strategy to not have to open up.